Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
