Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
