is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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