As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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