I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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