I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
