Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT