As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.