Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
