You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If you need anything just hit me up
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.