I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
