She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize