SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
