is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
