Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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