Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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