We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
