you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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