why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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