My friends, they love my intelligence
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize