So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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