So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize