I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
