Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
