ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
