Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
