Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
