I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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