DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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