And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
