I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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