I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
