someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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