why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
