I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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