Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
