i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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