Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
