i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
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Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am available for nakedness