I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
