i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
