i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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