I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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