I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
