after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have feelings that need drinking.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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