i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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