Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
