I think I died a long time ago.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
