if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
someone owes me an orgasm
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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