So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
