turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Boobs are out for the taking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
