I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
