Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize