I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
