that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
