i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
