Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
