It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
