So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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