My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
please don't ironically join a cult
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