Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we're so committed to being not committed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
