So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
