those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
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From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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