i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
