i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
