If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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