Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
